Insomnia On a Snowy Eve
The eve of 2010. I’ve heard good things about this coming year. Whoever you are, you’re probably reading this from the other side of midnight. I’m writing this at 7am on the morning of the eve, having slept none at all. Dang allergies. SO…instead of zzzzs, I baked a new year’s cake. So far 2010 is looking pretty damn good to me from where I stand.
I call it vigilance on the homefront.
Not that I even baked a single cake this entire year, but I was compelled. The Madagascar Bourbon Vanilla cake mix that was sitting in the kitchen cupboard was more than happy to throw itself into my pre-dawn baking party. Jinsol, looking as if he could use a bit more puppy zzzs, kept me company as I added a touch of heavy coconut cream to the mix. Just a touch. From there I whisked and whisked until Twyla enthusiastically padded into the kitchen to check out the scene. Having made sure I wasn’t cooking anything of red meat importance, she promptly left the scene for quieter pastures as I filled the clangy pans and set them to bake at 375 degrees.
Looking back on the year, I realize how lucky I’ve been, how far I’ve come. Rest assured, I’m thankful AND I earned it. There was drama that could have engulfed me forever, but this was the year I broke habits that no longer made sense and I replaced them with better, more fulfilling happy habits. Like, I’m talking miles better. There was the Korea tour, seeing my grammas for the first time in 10 years. There was the last cigarette, my first show in Japan, getting my kickass band together in a pinch, my return to acting, a wedding in the Ozark Mountains (not mine, see post), the month-long detox program that nearly drove me to the limits of sanity — oh, and lots of the moments of personal limit-pushing. 2009 was a banner year for limit-pushing of all kinds that had somehow more limits pushed than the previous year. Not that I’m keeping score, but I got a sense of the colors and things. It’s the kind of personal lifetime limit-pushing that I discovered only snowballs if you so choose.
I chose to push my very limits at a very early age, and then it gets so that it’s the only thing you know to do. Though I wouldn’t call myself a gambler, it’s only this year that I realized I don’t always have to risk my life in order to live. Because that’s not necessarily a good habit, is it?? Speaking of snowballing, it’s starting to snow outside. Heavily. And beautifully.
I’m working on some new tunes. It’s all different now and changing faster than ever, communication. How fast is the universe expanding (or shrinking?) Try to wrap your head around it, or just be at one with it. Or. New tunes on the redline! More updates in store! Happy new year to all!!!
It’s time to ice the cake.
xoxo
tora
dec 31 09
