Category Archives: goods

Imagine my surprise the other night when I was sitting on the couch watching TV and learned that President Obama is not only face-to-face familiar with my work, but that the entire West Wing of the White House is rampant with examples my work. The relationship is quite personal too.

In a previous life, one of the many different jobs I held was in the house of an international candy giant which, among other things, was responsible for producing M&Ms in all its myriad forms and flavors. Picture me there in QC (quality control), proofreading all the packaging and ads containing the Famous Pair, the Rascally and the Goofy, those divine caricatures to human personality and relationships, Red and Yellow M&M. If Jessica Alba is standing at the podium thanking her makeup and airbrush and touchup artists at the award shows, then Red and Yellow would be thanking me for keeping them looking as true and pristine to their image as ever.

For as long as I worked in proofreading, of course.

Several weeks before the inauguration of the then President-Elect, these curious-looking little white boxes with blue star borders came across my desk for proofing. I felt this was not your everyday job concerning Peanut M&Ms or even New Coconut Flavored M&Ms. Even the new *Health* Snickers Bar gave up any real place in recent memory. What was on my desk had a Presidential Seal in the artwork. And not only was it my job to proof the placement of the presidential seal, but here was Red and Yellow, looking mighty proud being American candy with personality, standing right over the field of the presidential signature under the presidential seal. My job then was to make sure that everything on the new package matched everything on the old package. Indeed, that included making double-sure the old signature belonging to President George W. Bush was wholly replaced by the new signature of President Barack Obama. Wholly. Out with the old, in with the new.

Needless to say, the vital elements were in place. No one was gonna mess that up on the first shot – there would be no oversights. But what was it for? I wondered. Strangely enough, people were not very forthcoming about its destination, maybe the Inauguration? So, as a mere proofreader I had indeed come to my own conclusion that it must be a special pack printed specially for the Inauguration.

Then, maybe because I myself was going to miss the big party, I just couldn’t let the original proof get away without questioning the length of some 1px line or another somewhere on the package using big bold peels of audacious penstrokes (behold: audacity of hope eliciting from me, the audacity of the penstroke: “LENGTH NOT CONSISTENT??” in gleefully bright flourescent pink ink that was my very signature color stamp at the time). That made me happy. But all in all, the proof passed muster as I expected. I signed my own seal of approval (in bright flourescent pink ink) and off it went to the next tier of approvals and editing.

“Well, will you look at that…”

It’s 5 months post-Inauguration, and Brian Williams is walking us through the West Wing. There, the President and his staff are shown working gracefully under pressure day after day to fix illing economies, end wars and disease, protect billions of people and money disappearing in banks and whathaveyou. In this electric scene of a storied White House, room after room bowls and bowls of apples dot the classic American colonial decor. “To keep everyone munching on apples and healthy,” says Mr. Williams.

Then, he continues in voiceover, “even more pervasive in the rooms and corridors of the historic White House, are bowls and containers and pitchers full of M&Ms…” Indeed, I saw the brave splashes of bright color on the tabletops, and? Dare I say it? From the top drawers of the staff members’ desks flow even more M&Ms, in the very same box that I proofed myself, the mini-white almost poker-deck of a box with the blue-star borders and the presidential signature and seal of approval – oh how could I forget? – right there in organized row after row in the top drawer of the President’s desk in the Oval Office itself.

Hey, everybody needs a jolt of sugar every so often. Keep the mood on the up and the mind clear, especially through the tough times…

Perhaps it was the candy surplus from the Inauguration that has kept DC sugar levels on par to this day. Perhaps it’s a special edition that’s boxed only for the inhabitants of the White House. Perhaps… but it doesn’t matter. What makes me happy is to know that I helped in some way – the democratic process, the President, the staff members working in earnest to save the day – that I have presence in the West Wing in a way that is helpful in that most American of ways: via a handful of cutely packaged chocolate candy lentils within arm’s reach from the desk without a smudge on the Presidential packaging.

Yes. They really are called “lentils”. And no. You just never know.